There’s a few surprises after this ‘trailer’ below.

Yeah, that’s a fake trailer. The following was going to be my write-up on my thoughts of the 50 Shades Darker trailer (which you can read here), but in full disclosure I accidentally watched the wrong trailer above. A fan-made fake. And I had no idea!

The following are my unfiltered thoughts as I experienced them while watching…

Oh no, Christian Grey was traumatized as a child! I bet he’s going to have issues with control and power.

Aiight, I can get down with some ‘Retrograde’ by James Blake. Even if it’s a couple years late, but whatever man! Cool cool.

This Jamie Dornan guy just doesn’t cut it for this hetero dude. He looks like a less manly and charismatic Henry Cavill.

Based on the novel E.L. James. For a second I read ‘Based on the novel by Elmore Leornard’ and I thought how much better that would be.

OH SHIT! That’s the real Henry Cavill, son! Daaaaamn. You know Jamie Dornan can’t keep up with that. Cavill is always funny, charming, cool, and manly in movies when he’s not playing Superman of course. Not his fault by the way (btw). Hopefully we’ll see him as a decent Superman when Zack Snyder unleashes his grasp from the DC Extended Universe. Or maybe even in Justice League! Never tell me I’m not an optimist.

Some yada yada from Gabriel Byrne and then Michelle Pfeiffer in an evening dress. Daaaaamn, Michelle, you lookin’ like you did in like 1992. I mean, you look almost exactly like you did in Batman Returns. That damn dress is imprinted in my nine-year-old mind forever. Let me Google that Batman Returns image…

*Googling* [michelle pfeiiefer evening gown batman returns]

Without anything to reference I butcher her last name obviously and what the whaaat?! It IS the scene from Batman Returns from 1992… Like, the actual scene. Look at this comparison here!

How? Why? Mainly why? I don’t get it. Must find out more. This will actually be fun to write about now. Nice. Damn that dress tho. Pressing on…

The director of Fatal Attraction (and Fear!)? Hmm, are you trying to get me to go see this movie Fifty Shades Darker? Of course you are, but you may actually be doing a decent job of convincing me.

Olivia Wilde tied up? Ticket sold! Jokes on you Fifty Shades Darker, I would have gone even if she wasn’t tied up! Or because of Henry Cavill…

Then there’s some other random stuff including Olivia Wilde pointing a gun at someone and what appears to be Michelle Pfeiffer in the present day. It’s hard to tell because she’s still just as stunning as she was in 1992, which is probably the level of thinking… whatever marketing person had when deciding… to use another scene from a movie… that’s 24 years old…


I don’t know too much about Fifty Shades Darker because, well, it’s not my taste. But I DO remember that Kim Basinger was at the end of the last one (maybe, that whole movie was a blur thankfully). And you know I would know that Henry Cavill was in something, but I also know that they pretty much went straight from filming Batman v Superman (ugh) to filming Justice League in London. Henry doesn’t have time for no Fifty Shades Darker.

I have met the enemy and he is me.

Upon further internet research I double-checked my weariness that I had been duped and I was right in the fact that I was wrong. After realizing that I had wasted an hour of my time writing this at 1:30 in the morning I then thought that I would make this into something different and roll with it.

Here’s what I took from this experience:

Always do your research, especially when you don’t have a vested interest in what you’re writing about (I asked a few of our staff if they had wanted to write these posts, but it turns out I’m the only asshole who actually saw the first movie so the short straw was always mine). I also realized that the first movie was so magnificent in its boringness and non-daring sexual exploits that I would have believed next to anything that was shown to me to be the official full trailer for its sequel. Not once did I question its quality or the lack of story because the first movie has neither. And lastly, it’s okay to be wrong sometimes and even more important to admit it when you are. It’s now approaching 2:00 in the morning and I have to work early tomorrow, but I take solace in the fact that I had fun on this journey and I think the ‘live streaming’ format for this could not have been more appropriate. There were ups and downs and twists and turns my friends.

Ignorance is not bliss, but I had fun with it for a brief moment.

Heath Scott

Heath Scott

His love of most things in entertainment can be summed up by having an English Bulldog named Spielberg and consistently asking if it's Halloween yet.

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